My father-in-law called the weekend between Christmas and New Year's. He has done this once in awhile since Mrs. Joe left. After we shared how our Christmas' were, he told me that he seen his daughter earlier that day. She had taken Peanut & The Champ to see him at the store he works at.
He went on to tell me she looked tired and didn't have much patience with the kids. I replied that I knew where she was coming from. Handling those two little terrors alone will make anybody look tired.
He also asked how Mrs. Joe and I were doing. I told him that things were mostly the same but with the new year coming I had planned on making some decisions about us.
Basically, I got to shit or get off the pot.
He then surprised me by asking if I would be willing to sit down with him and Mrs. Joe. He felt that maybe he could try to straighten things out between Mrs. Joe & I. I figured I had nothing to lose. I owed it to him to at least do that. He has been a great father to me. I lost my own father in 1998, I was only 28, and he has done a fine job being someone I can look up to and has helped me be a better dad.
We planned on this past Sunday, here at the house. He would confirm with his daughter and call me back. Later that day, he called and said we were on.
So this past Sunday we met and talked for over three hours. Seeing that his parents divorced and he and Mrs. Joe's mother divorced, he tried to explain from experience what divorce could do to the two of us and to the kids.
He also talked about our expectations of one another, which is a touchy subject. Over time we have begun to differ with some of the others decisions regarding the kids and such. That has led to heated debates without resolution. He talked about compromising, which has been difficult on both sides. To me, that has been the hardest thing to overcome. As usual, it led to defensive responses followed by yelling from all.
He went to address Mrs. Joe's infidelity. She has always taken responsibility for her actions but I still don't feel a sincere feeling of regret from her. It might be me but a lot of therapy will be the judge.
What I did find out was that she is still seeing him, now a year later. And she stated she still doesn't know what she wants to do with either of us.Hello, you said you wanted to come back but you are still seeing him?
The conversation ended with a plea from my father-in-law as he was leaving for us to get back together. Neither of us said yes but neither said no. It was a good talk, I feel. If my wife was going to listen to anybody, it would have been her father. She left after he did and I sat on the couch and thought for awhile.
Yesterday, as she called to say goodnight to the kids, I asked her to come over after I put them to bed. I told her I wanted to talk about the day before with her dad.
She showed up a few hours later and sat at the island in the kitchen as I made lunches for the following day. We talked about what her dad had said. We agreed with some things and disagreed with others. She mentioned looking into marriage therapy again. I told her learning that she still didn't know who she wanted helped me to decide what I wanted to do.
I told Mrs. Joe that I did not want to try therapy.
I wanted a divorce.
Thinking she has been with this guy for over a year now and still doesn't know what she wants makes me think that it is not as much who she wants but more of a failure to just choose. I think therapy, to her, is to help her choose. No way I'm taking part in that.
Along with that, what we have come to expect of one another has changed. I have found myself on a different path than my wife. Paths that are going in different directions. And good or bad, we are too stubborn to change. Compromise has been attempted by both but it isn't enough.
I assume we will try to go through the mediator again. If anything we will save money on lawyers. I think we are smart enough to do what's best.
New challenges, indeed.
Labels: Mrs. Joe, separation