Monday, May 11, 2009

If Its A Dumb Rule, Mind As Well Break It

Sorry for the lengthy amount of time between posts. I haven’t been up to writing lately. Most of my posts have been regarding Mrs. Joe and my separation/divorce and you probably are sick of hearing about it.

If you are interested, we met with the mediator two weeks ago. Our final divorce agreement has been drafted. I sent it to my lawyer to review. I started refinancing the house last week to buy out her half. Once the mortgage is redone and I pay her, we can file for divorce.

See, fun times.

Recently, I was out with some friends having a few drinks and got into a conversation with a woman I met regarding being a single parent and dating. I told her I did not think I would be interested in dating someone who did not have kids. I told her I thought someone who does not have kids does not know the commitment children need from a single parent.

She was upset that I would feel that way and told me she was divorced with no kids. She said she understood the commitment required and that my opinion was not true in all cases.

We debated it for about an hour and moved onto other topics. She held pretty firm in defending her opinion and was fun to talk with.

Of course at the end of the night I gave her my phone number and told her I would like to go out with her.

So much for that dating rule. How about it single parents, tell me if you think you could date someone who did not have kids.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I could, I did, and I married him almost 2 years ago.
My late-husband (father of my 2 daughters, now 11 & 9) died in October of 2003.
I met my now-husband in November of 2004, married him in October of2007. He was 45, this is his first marriage, my(our) daughters are his only children.
I had a few doubts at first, my family and friends had many. My dad once told me "He will not commit to you. He has spent his life focusing on his military career then his I.T. career. No man wants to raise another man's children."
I suppose my husband didn't know that tidbit of info because he's helping me raise those girls & driving 90 miles twice a day to work in a city I left b/c I didn't want to raise children there.
He loves those girls and they love him. My 9 year old has more memories of him than of her father.
Some people without kids don't understand & can't make the transition, but please don't sell a lady short too soon.
I would have missed out on almost 5 years with a wonderful person if I had stuck to only men with kids.
Ame in TN

Mon May 11, 10:39:00 PM 2009  
Blogger Debbie said...

Not divorced but I imagine I would feel the same way you do. Although of course a childless person could jump in there and be a great parent, the experience is a little different. My step-mother never had kids and acquired me when I was grown. I have to say that her outlook on things can be a little bit different because of that. Not bad - just different.

Tue May 12, 05:10:00 PM 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have dated men who do not have kids. i have dated men with kids.

i think it's a case by case thing . . . my fiance doesn't have any of his own, but the kids love him and he loves them. the end.

Tue May 12, 06:36:00 PM 2009  
Blogger Woman in a Window said...

I love her perseverance. And you know, she's right. Kids or not does not make a person who understands children nor responsibility. Totally an individual thing.

Yay for you. Have fun!

Tue May 12, 07:17:00 PM 2009  
Blogger Mike said...

When I was in your situation a few years ago I thought as you did. I think you do have to take it case by case, but your aurgument is valid.

I ended up marrying a woman who had a teenager as well (I had two daughters). Seems to have worked out for us.

Tue May 12, 07:46:00 PM 2009  
Anonymous poetrystruth said...

Wow good for you!

As for dating someone with kids (I have 3 ages 18-6) If I were single I wouldn't want to seriously date someone with home aged kids.

That's just my take. I know the drama that can come from having younger (and even older) children. I wouldn't want that responsibility. Kids also get attached to adults in their lives. Trying to keep the two separate is a lot of work.

I would gladly date someone who had "older out of the house and on their own children".

My oldest was 4 when my DH and I got together. We both had been step kids so we were aware of the problems we would face. It was and is hard work to blend a family.

I hope the nice lady calls you.

Tue May 12, 11:05:00 PM 2009  
Blogger Ms. Judy said...

On the other hand, if she had children one could raise the "she'll treat her own children better" argument. I'm on the case by case bandwagon. Not being able to have my own children, I was open to falling in love with a man with children.

If you end up spending time with her, you'll know if she's forcing it & cut her loose. Otherwise, that blending into a family will happen gradually and feel right to all. Being a part of a family requires commitment and you don't have to be the bearer of children to want/need/enjoy being immersed in family. Some people are all about family whether they make them or choose them.

Wed May 13, 08:36:00 PM 2009  
Blogger Susiewearsthepants said...

OK, this sounds completely selfish, but I would almost prefer to date someone who doesn't have kids. I figure I have two kids and if he has couple of kids then we've got the friggin' Brady Bunch. I don't know if I could handle it. But if I met someone I REALLY liked and he had kids, I think I would deal with it.

Fri May 22, 09:23:00 AM 2009  
Anonymous movin down the road said...

coool!!! love your story! you were humble enough to change your mind!

Wed May 27, 09:44:00 PM 2009  

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