Thursday, April 30, 2009

Beginning Of The End

Mrs. Joe and I had our final meeting with the lawyer regarding our divorce yesterday. I have to say going through a mediator and working together to compromise is a hell of a lot easier than the wars I have heard others go through.

The meeting was mostly paperwork related. We have divided up most of our assets already. I still have to re-mortgage the house to buy out her half but for the most part we are ready to file.

We decided that instead of child support, I will be responsible for paying Peanut & The Champ’s school tuition and sports fees. The lawyer ran the numbers and it is similar in amount to paying child support to Mrs. Joe. I like it because I know the money goes directly to the kids. Too many times I have heard stories about someone’s ex using it for all the wrong reasons.

Custody of the kids will be joint. We will have them one week at a time for the most part. We live only a quarter of a mile from each other and their school is in between us so the kids will always be in the general neighborhood.

The lawyer is having the final paperwork written up over the next few days and will mail it out to us. He said we could be filing before the 15th of May. I called my bank this morning and scheduled an appointment for my mortgage. Mrs. Joe is supposed to get a copy of our marriage certificate to submit as well.

My head knows this is what has to be done. My heart is slowly coming on board but I know that will take time. It is the beginning of the end and I keep reminding myself that once I reach the end there will be another beginning to look forward to.

A brighter one.

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Monday, April 27, 2009


I sit here at 10:30 with my head a fucking mess.

I should be glad for tomorrow. I should look forward to it.

Parts of me do.

Parts of me don't.

All of me wishes you would explain what you were doing with him that night.

Parts of me want to know so I can hate you.

Parts of me want to know because I love you.

All of me wishes you would get your head straight and realize who you are giving up.

Parts of me want you to so you will come back to me.

Parts of me want you to so you will regret your decision for the rest of your life.

Parts of me wishes you would

I started writing this as an e-mail to Mrs. Joe about 10 minutes ago. I stopped there. Earlier, she came over after I put the kids to bed to sign out income tax refund check.

I didn't want her to leave but I knew it was wrong.

I started talking about our divorce meeting tomorrow and what we were going to do with the kids for the summer.

I offered her a beer. Why? She refused. I opened one and gave it to her anyway. She took it.

She sat and we talked about the kids while I made their lunches for school tomorrow. She looked great.

After 15 minutes she left saying she was tired. Why did I want her to stay?

Why is it so hard to get over her?

But why didn't I send the letter?

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

A Little Bit Of Spring Cleaning

It had to be done.

For more than one reason, too.

Mrs. Joe had the kids this past weekend and I had Monday off from work thanks to Massachusetts being the only state other than Maine to celebrate Patriots' Day.

So that left me with three entire days to myself.

What to do…

I thought of getting away for a couple of days. Just pack a few changes of clothes and escape for awhile. Cooperstown, NY was and idea. It is only a 4 hour drive for me and I have never been to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Then reality set in.

I just don’t have the money to get away for a few days. Mrs. Joe has been gone for a little over a year now and the financial safety net has been stretched pretty tight. With the summer coming, I am going to want to take the kids somewhere as well.

So I decided to scrap my mini vacation and stay home. There are plenty of things I can tackle around the house anyway, I thought.

Then I realized the time had to come and it had to be done anyway.

So I spent the three days cleaning my attic.

Let me tell you, nothing says “relaxing, enjoyable weekend by yourself” like standing in a dusty attic separating all your shit from your wife’s.


My house has a huge walk up attic and when Mrs. Joe & I bought it ten years ago every moving box was put up there. Over the first few months, we emptied a few boxes but as you can imagine, most of it just sat there.

Then came the instances when we needed something that was still packed away. Of course we forgot where everything was in so we would start searching boxes. Add two kids worth of baby stuff and over time, the attic became a huge mess.

Last year, when Mrs. Joe moved out she did not take anything from the attic so it stayed the way it was. I knew I would eventually have to go thru everything, separating my stuff from hers, and box everything back up.

So the time was as right as it would get. Three days later, the attic was cleaned up. All of her stuff was boxed up along one wall while mine was boxed up along the other.

It was a shitty job, both emotionally and physically. I can’t recommend going thru dusty boxes that hold memories of a better time to anybody. Coming across pictures from our honeymoon and boxes of The Champ’s baby stuff almost made me cry. I just told myself that I did not ask for this and there is nothing that can be done to take back what has happened over the last year.

Mrs. Joe stopped by Monday, after I finished up. She saw the trash bags on the porch and thought that was her stuff. I led her to the attic, showing her what I had done. Upon seeing it, she simply turned around and left without even a thank you.

Later, she said she was upset at seeing me “box her up”. Doesn’t she see that I never wanted this? I had to do this. I have to get some level of closure. Removing her from my house is a start. Next step is getting the boxes out of the attic. Who knows when that’ll be.

We have scheduled an appointment with a lawyer. In MA we can use the same lawyer for divorce if it is uncontested. It saves us both money and aggravation. We have agreed on child support and visitation. All that’s left is the filing, court appointments and the hearings.

I hope it all can get wrapped up by the end of the year.

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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

It Was Easter But It Felt Like Groundhog Day

Here we are Tuesday evening and Peanut & The Champ have finally crashed from their candy high.

The kids got to wake up with me on Easter morning. Thankfully, they held off until 6:00 to get me out of bed.

The Easter Bunny was nice enough to hide his eggs inside the house instead of outside. It was still a little cold up here in New England to be out hunting for them.

Along with the tradition of looking for eggs the Easter Bunny left behind, Peanut continued her tradition of having me hide the eggs so she can hunt for them again.

...and again,

...and again.

After the forth or fifth time, she decided she wanted to hide the eggs and have me look for them. The only catch with that was once she hid them, she led me by the hand to each of the hidden eggs.

The egg hunts occurred off and on for the rest of the day. We started out with two dozen eggs. After awhile we were down a half dozen. Seems she forgot where she hid them. Which amazed me seeing she hid them in the same spots each time.

I hope everybody's Easter was as good as mine. Minus the groundhog, I mean.

Besides, Caddyshack was better.

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Monday, April 06, 2009

Anti-Hygiene Radicals

If they start burning the towels, I'm running.

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Thursday, April 02, 2009

Vacation's All I Ever Wanted

It’s that time of year again. Spring is here, the birds are singing, the sun is shining and the flowers are starting to bloom.

It’s also time to start figuring out what you will do with your kids during summer vacation.

Sorry, it had to be said. You can’t avoid it forever.

Mrs. Joe and I began our discussion this past weekend. It didn’t go too well. Last year, my sister watched The Champ while Peanut continued in daycare. This year, Mrs. Joe asked if we could do something with The Champ other than having my sister watch him. She suggested our city’s park and rec. camp. I had heard it is very popular so it seemed like a good idea.

Except for the fact that Mrs. Joe claims to not have any money to help pay for it. Or the fact that last year, to sign up, you had to wait in a 2 hour line because it was on a first come first serve basis and this Saturday is signups and Mrs. Joe has to work.

So just to clarify, Mrs. Joe wants me to find a babysitter this Saturday so I can stand in a line for 2-3 hours to try to sign The Champ up for camp that she cannot help pay for.

We decided on only signing him up for 2 weeks of camp, one in July, and one in August. We will split the rest of the summer vacation between me, Mrs. Joe and my sister. I plan on taking some time off and take them camping. Mrs. Joe plans on taking a week or two off as well. My sister will watch him for a few weeks also.

My mother in law has a beach house on Cape Cod. She invited the kids and I out there for a week this summer. I don't think me going out there will go over too well with Mrs. Joe but I think I’ll bring the kids out to stay with her for a week. Mind as well have somebody enjoy the beach.

Any ideas from you out there on how to keep the little ones busy this summer vacation?

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