Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Control, At Times, Is Now Remote

I called Mrs. Joe the other day asking a question about my car insurance. Part of our separation agreement is that she has to continue to have both our auto insurance payments taken out of her paycheck. I am trying to cancel the payroll deduction for mine and have the bills mailed directly to me. Eventually I will have to take control of it, mind as well be sooner rather than later.

After answering the question, she asked what I was doing with my car insurance. I told her and she became a little irritated.

"What are you doing that for?" she asked.

Since she has left, I have had to take control of the things she took care of. Bills, for example are one thing. To me, all I am trying to do is take control of my car insurance but to her I think it may be her losing control of me.

I am not saying she was a control freak or anything but all of you know there are ways you want things done and they may differ from your partner. That may lead to a disagreement on how to handle a given situation. Compromise usually wins over. But when you become separated you don't have to compromise. You can do what you think is best without having to defend it.

The flip side is you also lose any control of your partner's decision making. I would like to say I don't want any but that would not be honest. There are some things I wished she would do differently.

For example, she often lets the kids eat dinner in the living room, sitting on the floor in front of the television.

That drives me nuts.

To me, dinner is supposed to be at the dinner table, not on the floor with the t.v. on. Is it the end of the world? Obviously not. Am I overreacting? Probably. But to me it is the way dinner should be.

I have come to accept that I have no control over her anymore. She is a good parent and I have to learn to accept the fact that my kids will eat dinner in front of the t.v. from time to time.

With that, I am going to watch some t.v. I won't be eating dinner but I will have full control of the remote.

I wonder if there is any wrestling on.

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Blogger Woman in a Window said...

Indulge. Indulge in pummeling if you want. Indulge in dinners at tables. Indulge in your freedom.

Tue Mar 24, 09:53:00 PM 2009  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...


Wed Mar 25, 08:46:00 AM 2009  
Blogger Mike said...

Your seperation brings back some memories and some current issues I have with my ex as well. Your absolutely right about dinner, but what can you do. Just reinforce to the kids that you do things differently at your home than they do at their Mom's home.

As the seperation and divorce come through you will have greater control with your own finances. However look forward to the fights when it comes to the kids and finance. Who pays for what and etc...

Thu Mar 26, 01:40:00 PM 2009  
Blogger Debbie said...

You just always sound like such a great dad to me. So level headed and involved. Your kids are lucky.

Fri Mar 27, 04:51:00 PM 2009  
Anonymous movin down the road said...

it drives my ex nuts that he cant control what I do. The insane part is that it isn't stuff about the kids, he tries to pry into my personal life and starts making judgements and stuff. Ridiculous. But yes, we cant control how the other parents. I had to learn that with mine, who I feel makes unwise decisions sometimes with the kids (like keeping them up til 10pm when they are used to going to bed at 7:30, and then they are tired and miss school)

Thu Apr 02, 02:01:00 PM 2009  

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