Friday, January 30, 2009

Always Doing Things The Hard Way

Nobody said it was going to be easy, and nobody was right. - President George Bush

I realize now things were easier before.

I didn’t think so at the time.

But I do now.

It was easier trying to move on with my life, easier trying and be a single dad, easier trying to forget her. I would put my focus on the kids or the house. I even started watching early seasons of Lost to keep my mind occupied.

So much for things being easy.

Life got a little more difficult a few weeks ago. I mentioned that Mrs. Joe had asked about coming home. I also mentioned that I felt I didn’t want her to. Well, we sat down a few times this past week and she is pretty serious about us getting back together.

We talked about what caused her to do what she did. Her answers seemed pretty honest. She told me about what she needed in our marriage. I told her about what I hoped would change. We agreed that if we can continue talking without fighting and come to some agreements about the future, we should start seeing a marriage therapist.

I asked her about the other guy. She said if we agree to seriously look into getting back together she would end it with him. I figure she should have already let him go but whatever.

Her relationship with him has lasted well over a year. They work together as well, although in different locations. The idea of her being able to let him go is difficult to believe but I have to at least see where this goes.

Due to this, I ended my relationship with GBD. She is a great girl but I know even if things don’t work out with Mrs. Joe, I am not ready to commit to what she wants.

I told Mrs. Joe to tie up her loose ends and we will go on from there. I’m not sure where that is but I know at least I will have taken the chance.

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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

No Pink Walls, Or Slip For That Matter

I wrote back in October that I wanted to redo my bedroom. The walls being pink weren’t a major problem when I was married but now I'm single and pink just doesn't cut it.

In November, I wrote about my overpriced pillow that I bought and the comforter that I found in the basement.

Well I can now say that my bedroom makeover is complete. I painted the room and found a print to hang over the bed among other changes.

Here it is...

The print is an architectural drawing of the Brooklyn Bridge. I make mechanical drawings for work so it is similar to what I do for a living. I ordered the print online. It arrived before Christmas but I couldn’t get it framed until after New Year’s so I had to be patient.

The paint I chose for the walls is Winter Wheat from Behr. It is a little greener than I was hoping but I think it looks pretty good with the curtains.

I found the flannel sheet set at Wal-Mart. I think it pulls the light colored wood from the bedroom set together with the chocolate color in the pillow and print frame.

The lamp with its bold red shade is from Target. Anything was better than that old one.

Eventually, I want to get a new bedroom set as well, something with a darker wood. I think the wall color will go better with a darker color anyway.

Not too bad for an amateur, I’d say.

Regarding the slip, I was lucky enough to escape a layoff at my job. Eleven people were let go last Friday. It was the first salaried layoff in the company’s history. I guess with working in the automotive industry I should expect that right now with the current economy.

Hopefully things will rebound. If not, maybe I can change my profession to interior designer…

…when pink elephants fly.

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Dry Shaving, Exposed Nipples and Body Modification

Now that’s a post header, huh?

Over the weekend, GBD and I went to dinner with another couple she knows. I picked up the tab for all of us.

Why, you might ask?

Well, earlier in the night, at the other couple’s apartment, I got this…

That is my oh-so-manly chest with a new tattoo. GBD’s friend used to work as a tattoo artist in a local shop. For the price of their dinner, she gave me my first tattoo.

The symbol represents the letter T and the number 4, which have been part of a nickname I have had since college. I designed it myself.

I like it. It is something I have always wanted to do. More of me focusing on me, I say.

Now as long as the guys I work with don’t mind seeing me rub A & D ointment on my chest to help it heal, I’ll be all set.


Tuesday, January 06, 2009

No Time Wasted

My father-in-law called the weekend between Christmas and New Year's. He has done this once in awhile since Mrs. Joe left. After we shared how our Christmas' were, he told me that he seen his daughter earlier that day. She had taken Peanut & The Champ to see him at the store he works at.

He went on to tell me she looked tired and didn't have much patience with the kids. I replied that I knew where she was coming from. Handling those two little terrors alone will make anybody look tired.

He also asked how Mrs. Joe and I were doing. I told him that things were mostly the same but with the new year coming I had planned on making some decisions about us.

Basically, I got to shit or get off the pot.

He then surprised me by asking if I would be willing to sit down with him and Mrs. Joe. He felt that maybe he could try to straighten things out between Mrs. Joe & I. I figured I had nothing to lose. I owed it to him to at least do that. He has been a great father to me. I lost my own father in 1998, I was only 28, and he has done a fine job being someone I can look up to and has helped me be a better dad.

We planned on this past Sunday, here at the house. He would confirm with his daughter and call me back. Later that day, he called and said we were on.

So this past Sunday we met and talked for over three hours. Seeing that his parents divorced and he and Mrs. Joe's mother divorced, he tried to explain from experience what divorce could do to the two of us and to the kids.

He also talked about our expectations of one another, which is a touchy subject. Over time we have begun to differ with some of the others decisions regarding the kids and such. That has led to heated debates without resolution. He talked about compromising, which has been difficult on both sides. To me, that has been the hardest thing to overcome. As usual, it led to defensive responses followed by yelling from all.

He went to address Mrs. Joe's infidelity. She has always taken responsibility for her actions but I still don't feel a sincere feeling of regret from her. It might be me but a lot of therapy will be the judge.

What I did find out was that she is still seeing him, now a year later. And she stated she still doesn't know what she wants to do with either of us.

Hello, you said you wanted to come back but you are still seeing him?

The conversation ended with a plea from my father-in-law as he was leaving for us to get back together. Neither of us said yes but neither said no. It was a good talk, I feel. If my wife was going to listen to anybody, it would have been her father. She left after he did and I sat on the couch and thought for awhile.

Yesterday, as she called to say goodnight to the kids, I asked her to come over after I put them to bed. I told her I wanted to talk about the day before with her dad.

She showed up a few hours later and sat at the island in the kitchen as I made lunches for the following day. We talked about what her dad had said. We agreed with some things and disagreed with others. She mentioned looking into marriage therapy again. I told her learning that she still didn't know who she wanted helped me to decide what I wanted to do.

I told Mrs. Joe that I did not want to try therapy.

I wanted a divorce.

Thinking she has been with this guy for over a year now and still doesn't know what she wants makes me think that it is not as much who she wants but more of a failure to just choose. I think therapy, to her, is to help her choose. No way I'm taking part in that.

Along with that, what we have come to expect of one another has changed. I have found myself on a different path than my wife. Paths that are going in different directions. And good or bad, we are too stubborn to change. Compromise has been attempted by both but it isn't enough.

I assume we will try to go through the mediator again. If anything we will save money on lawyers. I think we are smart enough to do what's best.

New challenges, indeed.

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Friday, January 02, 2009

A New Year, New Challenges

Thank God that year is finally over.

Not that a change in the calendar makes a difference but at least it is a start.

Christmas was good. My sister and I cooked for some family on Christmas Eve. Peanut & The Champ were with me for the dinner while Mrs. Joe took them for Christmas Day. It is a small blessing that they are young and don't seem too affected by the separation.

At least that's what I'm telling myself.

For highlights on the presents, Peanut got a bunch of Littlest Pet Shop pets, some Polly Pockets dolls and a Chutes and Ladders board game.

I believe I have played (and lost) Chutes and Ladders 20 times already.

The Champ got a Lego toy, a few Spider-Man comic books and 4 Bakugan marbles.

It seems the Bakugan toys were the big gift for The Champ. Cautiously, I looked into them before giving Santa the okay to leave some under the tree. The cartoon isn't that bad and the game you play with the marbles uses a lot of math. But like everything 7 year old boys want, trying to figure out what to do with them is difficult.

I hope your Christmas celebrations were special. Let me know what Santa left for your little ones.

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