Thursday, July 31, 2008


I have offered to hit the pause button.

Not the stop button, just the pause button.

It seemed over the past week Mrs. Joe was giving me signals that she might want to talk. I asked her and she agreed. I went over to her apartment Sunday night after Peanut & The Champ were asleep.

We talked for about two hours. There was no arguing, just an open and honest conversation about us and the mistakes we have made. We agreed on some things, disagreed on others. But most of all, we came to the understanding that our marriage does not stand a good chance of being reconciled.

But we did agree that it’s not dead yet.

Prior to that, I had an appointment with my therapist Saturday afternoon. We talked about my pending divorce and what was next. I told her the initial filing with the court is the next step. She asked me what I was going to accomplish by filing.

“It will force her to make a decision,” I replied.

“And by forcing her to make a decision, what if she makes the wrong one?” she asked.

I tilted my head to the side like a dog to his master and gave her this dumbfounded look, “Huh?”

She went on to explain that one result could be she that decides to come back but 2-3 years down the road she realizes she made the wrong decision and leaves again, or worse, starts another affair.

Another result might be she decides to go along with the divorce but comes to the conclusion that coming back might have been the correct choice. Unfortunately, one of us might be in new relationship and reconciliation may not be possible.

It seems to make sense. I doubt I will feel any different about her whether I am divorced from her or not. I have proven to myself that I can get along without her. I don’t think she will hurt me financially and forcing her hand will only push her farther away emotionally.

I don’t expect any decisions any time soon. She seems to be having too much fun being single again. I do know that I won’t be waiting by the phone. I will continue to move on and face her if and when she comes around.

So after these two conversations I have offered to put the divorce filing on hold for now. To give Mrs. Joe some additional time to think, I guess. Will it help? I don’t know. Will I even take her back? I don’t know that either. Every day it seems more and more remote. But I do know that if and when she makes a decision it will be all her own and she will have to live with it.

Like all the decisions she has made so far.

Let’s just hope she thinks a little clearer from now on.

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Blogger Pgoodness said...

No reason to rush it, really. Good for you sitting down and talking - even if you never reconcile, being on better, less angry terms, is always good, especially for the kids.

Thu Jul 31, 10:29:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Childsplayx2 said...

yeah, I wouldn't count on her thinking any clearer. It seems she's had a pretty strong history of making bad decisions.

But I do agree that you need to keep things as amicable as possible - not for the possibility of reconciliation but because you both are still parents to your kids.

But it still sucks. Hope it gets better for you.

Fri Aug 01, 02:22:00 AM 2008  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

I hate to say it, but Mrs. Joe is Manny Ramirez. To review, Manny was: clearly unhappy where he was; prone to acting out as a result in inappropriate and immature ways; openly courting the affections of others (e.g. "I'd love to play in New York"); openly rejecting the affection of his current team, despite their repeated attempts to make him happy ("they don't deserve a player like me"); and ultimately such an enormous pain in the ass that despite the happy memories of Manny at his best... the reality was that, if he were to stay, we'd never experience him at his best again -- and more than that, that we'd always be waiting for the next time he'd act out and make us miserable all over again.


Fri Aug 01, 08:22:00 AM 2008  
Blogger womaninawindow said...

Wow, you are very brave and very strong. I would rip the bandaid off and cuss the whole way. I'm getting mad just thinking about it.

Fri Aug 01, 06:26:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous bea said...

We are out here sending quips of advice because we care and want you to be happy. But you know your situation the best. Do whatever you want to do. We'll support you, no matter what you decide.

Fri Aug 01, 06:57:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous Starrbuckdaddy said...

I think open and honest communication is the way to go. The kids should eb the focus andif that means that you two reconcile, that's great.

If it means you remain seperate, that's fine too.

I wish you both the best...

Sat Aug 02, 04:00:00 PM 2008  
Blogger HW said...

Just dropping in to say I'm still hoping for the best for you; knowing that could come in many forms.
It sure seems to me you are making wise choices.

Sat Aug 02, 04:33:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Ben & Bennie said...

I hate to say it, but Mrs. Joe is Manny Ramirez.

I swear to God I was gonna post that she was Manny just being Manny.

I think your therapist has some sound advice, particularly after your conversation with her. I hate to say it but you're not ready to "move on" far beyond this any time soon. You are definitely making the right steps but it will still be awhile before you reach any kind of closure.

Tue Aug 05, 11:39:00 AM 2008  
Anonymous stepping over the junk said...

that would be weird for me. to be separated and then get back together. I totally am "gone" once it's over.

Tue Aug 05, 05:13:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous Mike said...

For what it's worth here are my two cents. I was in your situation a few years ago. Married for 15 years and thinking life was good. Her infidelity shook my world. I thought I'll work this out for the sake of the kids. After catching them (yes, catching them!) for the second time it was strike three your out.

During the first time and the second I was constantly suspicious, looking at phone bills, checking up on her, not trusting. Once that's gone there is no marriage.

Very few marriages survive affairs. If yours is enjoying the good life as a single, that's not going to change anytime soon. She's got a built in babysitter for your kids while she goes out to play.

Do keep things amicable for the kids sake and don't pry into her life. And ask her not to pry into yours.

I wish you much luck and prayers.

Thu Aug 07, 04:55:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...


I hate the idea of you dangling in the wind, twisting into knots while she takes her sweet time deciding what she wants.

Take care of yourself and those kids of yours.

I'm thinking of you.

Tue Aug 12, 03:36:00 PM 2008  

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