I have offered to hit the pause button.
Not the stop button, just the pause button.
It seemed over the past week Mrs. Joe was giving me signals that she might want to talk. I asked her and she agreed. I went over to her apartment Sunday night after Peanut & The Champ were asleep.
We talked for about two hours. There was no arguing, just an open and honest conversation about us and the mistakes we have made. We agreed on some things, disagreed on others. But most of all, we came to the understanding that our marriage does not stand a good chance of being reconciled.
But we did agree that it’s not dead yet.
Prior to that, I had an appointment with my therapist Saturday afternoon. We talked about my pending divorce and what was next. I told her the initial filing with the court is the next step. She asked me what I was going to accomplish by filing.
“It will force her to make a decision,” I replied.
“And by forcing her to make a decision, what if she makes the wrong one?” she asked.
I tilted my head to the side like a dog to his master and gave her this dumbfounded look, “Huh?”
She went on to explain that one result could be she that decides to come back but 2-3 years down the road she realizes she made the wrong decision and leaves again, or worse, starts another affair.
Another result might be she decides to go along with the divorce but comes to the conclusion that coming back might have been the correct choice. Unfortunately, one of us might be in new relationship and reconciliation may not be possible.
It seems to make sense. I doubt I will feel any different about her whether I am divorced from her or not. I have proven to myself that I can get along without her. I don’t think she will hurt me financially and forcing her hand will only push her farther away emotionally.
I don’t expect any decisions any time soon. She seems to be having too much fun being single again. I do know that I won’t be waiting by the phone. I will continue to move on and face her if and when she comes around.
So after these two conversations I have offered to put the divorce filing on hold for now. To give Mrs. Joe some additional time to think, I guess. Will it help? I don’t know. Will I even take her back? I don’t know that either. Every day it seems more and more remote. But I do know that if and when she makes a decision it will be all her own and she will have to live with it.
Like all the decisions she has made so far.
Let’s just hope she thinks a little clearer from now on.