Tuesday, April 29, 2008

“Why Trust A Shark, Right?”

“I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine.” – Bruce from Finding Nemo.

I know I went into the mediation appointment in my last post but I wanted to expand on a few things that happened in the meeting.

The appointments we had were with a divorce mediation group. They claim to be a civil alternative to the traditional path for divorce. There is only one lawyer involved and his job is to help the couple work out a divorce agreement that both parties and the courts will agree to. I am told it usually takes six to eight months to be final and the cost is considerably less.

At the first meeting, Mrs. Joe was only looking for “Bruce” to create a written separation agreement. She told him she was not looking for a divorce at that time. Mrs. Joe also said that she would not expect child support and would leave me our house if I agreed to pay for our children’s future school bills. Seeing the school bills are approximate to support and she already owns, and now lives in, a multi-unit home, this seemed fair to all, including “Bruce”.

But after Mrs. Joe refused to commit to trying to repair our marriage, I contacted “Bruce” to set up another appointment and to start the divorce paperwork.

The second meeting was last Tuesday. In the beginning, “Bruce” seemed concerned about being fair but as the meeting went along and Mrs. Joe and I began to bicker, he seemed more concerned about keeping us in agreement.

Maybe he seen his future payments slipping away?

On top of me paying the school bills, Mrs. Joe said she wanted $10k to help her get on her feet. I could not understand why she did not talk to me earlier about this and instead waited until our meeting to ask. I got pretty upset and told her I was not going to give her anything. “Bruce” then told us the courts would not approve the settlement we currently had because it did not involve me compensating Mrs. Joe for our house.

Thanks, “Bruce”. My wife leaves me, taking my kids for half the week and now you tell me I should pay for the new bedroom set that she’s fucking her boyfriend in.

I will pay the money. I know it is still better than getting my own lawyer, battling everything out just to lose even more.

But I’m supposed to think “Bruce” is working in both our best interests?

I’m starting to think his best interest might be his own.

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Blogger angie said...


now you know why i don't trust "the system".

Tue Apr 29, 10:07:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Amy said...

i'm so sorry. this totally sucks for you. and it will never be fair, never. you are a good guy for trying to keep things sane for the kids.

Tue Apr 29, 10:13:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Whit said...

That's bullshit. Why does she get to be the victim?

Wed Apr 30, 02:02:00 AM 2008  
Blogger womaninawindow said...

On a light note, great representation of Bruce the lawyer. On the other stuff, I can't get my head around the injustice of divorce. It's the one arena women have the upper hand over men UNFAIRLY. I've felt this way for years now and hearing your pain makes me think it's time for a shake down. I'm sorry for your pain, 'cause I know it can run so deep.

Wed Apr 30, 06:49:00 AM 2008  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

Dude, the only person in this process looking out for your best interests is you. Don't think otherwise for a second.

Wed Apr 30, 10:24:00 AM 2008  
Blogger Darren said...

I'm just catching up on some blog reading again. You probably don't want to hear this, but it doesn't sound like a bad deal. Even where one spouse is at fault, division of assets is usually common. It could be a lot worse for you.

That said, it's absolutely right that you're the only one truly looking out for your own interests. Do you know any attorneys (or know someone who knows someone) who can give you an idea of whether this all sounds in your best interest? It's tough though because you'd need an attorney who isn't just out to push you to hire him. I'd be most concerned about the child support issue and afraid that she could change her mind at any time and a court might agree because it's in the kids' best interest.

Wed Apr 30, 12:11:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Dad Stuff said...

I agree with Darren. You need your own lawyer.
Good luck.

Wed Apr 30, 02:53:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Mama Nabi said...

Wow... would you mind calling PN and telling him he has a GREAT deal?? On the other hand, perhaps I SHOULD let my attorney get all sharky with PN (I've been stopping her in order to be MORE than fair)... since he won't take the good deal and insists of torturing me with his presence.

I'm sorry - when I began my divorce 'research', I was told that mediation RARELY works for situations like yours... that it ends up being cheaper to get an attorney of your own instead of countless hours of mediation.

Wed Apr 30, 03:34:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Em said...

Sorry to hear how things are going. Sadly, no one has your best interest at heart but you. At some point, everyone gets afraid and starts taking care of themselves...and only you will be left to fight for you.

Fri May 02, 03:46:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

Get a lawyer buddy.

Look out for yourself. Because as the others have pointed out, no one is going to do it for you.

I'm soo sorry for you. And pissed off on your behalf.

Sat May 03, 09:06:00 PM 2008  

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