Thursday, April 24, 2008

It's Not Half, But It's Not The Point

As I posted earlier, Tuesday was our appointment with the mediation group to start the divorce proceedings. As much as I want to try to reconcile, I can't sit around and wait for her.

I called Mrs. Joe earlier that day, hoping for her to reconsider. She again declined to start therapy, saying she wasn't able to commit. As we talked, I heard her being paged over the store intercom.

"I have to go, there is a call for me on the outside line."

"I don't care about some customer," I replied.

"I got to go." With that, she hung up the phone.


The meeting didn't go much better. At our last appointment, we signed a separation agreement that spelled out financial responsibilities, custody arrangements, etc. I assumed this agreement would stand but Mrs. Joe thought otherwise. Apparently, seeing she isn't asking for half of the house, she felt the need to ask for some cash.

I'll probably just roll over and give it to her. The quicker this is over the better.

But let me ask a question. How can somebody...
  • cheat on her husband for six months
  • finally admit to it only two days after Christmas
  • stay in the house for another two months waiting for a place to live
  • still maintain the affair
  • when she finally leaves, take the dining room set, son's bedroom set, dishes, silverware among other stuff

...and after all that, expect me to just give her money?

Obviously, if she got a lawyer she could get half of everything, which is more than she is asking for.

I might be a little bitter right now but with all that said, shouldn't you just admit you are a horrible person and move on?

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Blogger Childsplayx2 said...

If you're waiting for her to admit that, then don't hold your breath.

She might come to that conclusion years from now, long after you've come to terms with everything, and admit it to you.

But now? No, she might know it deep down but she's not going to admit it.

If the $ is reasonable, I'd give it to her. You're right that she can have half so don't push back too hard.

Good luck, my friend.

Fri Apr 25, 02:24:00 AM 2008  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...


Yeah, that just about says it all. As in, hers are completely f*#$@# up.

Fri Apr 25, 09:35:00 AM 2008  
Blogger HW said...

Yeah, that's pretty sad. Basically she's asking you to pay her for cheating on you. I'm really sorry for what you are going through.
And I agree with childsplayx2, a person who is behaving this way does not believe she's a horrible person, so will never admit to it.

I came across your blog, a few weeks ago, through othejoys.
I'm thinking of you. Divorce is an ugly business.

Fri Apr 25, 10:04:00 AM 2008  
Anonymous pgoodness said...

Yes. Yes she should.

Sorry, man. I guess the money would be the easiest, fastest way to go, but make sure you get something in writing so she doesn't come back in 6 months for half of what is left.

Fri Apr 25, 10:06:00 AM 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't do ANYTHING without getting it in writing - trust me. if you feel the amount she's asking for is okay and you can live with it, then give it to her - BUT get it in WRITING - you don't want this to get all f*cked later.

as for the apology - you can wish in one hand . . . it's not going to happen - not now, maybe not ever. i'm sorry, but i'm speaking from experience . . . but i say it because i know you need to hear it, too.

Fri Apr 25, 11:03:00 AM 2008  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

Might as well give up on the idea of her apologizing or admitting her wrong doing. She is obviously not going to do that any time soon.

As for the settlement, play nice, play fair and try to find a shark for a lawyer.

Cover your ass and don't feel bad about it. You have to protect yourself and your finances for yourself and your kids.

Don't do anything without having a lawyer.

I really wish you didn't have to go through this.

My offer to kick her arse still stands.

Sat Apr 26, 12:25:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Radiomom Rhetoric said...

Surfed over from Mama Nabi and Angie....I am so sorry you are having to go thru this.

...and as far as your married blind date? Even if you are looking forward to another possible date....please be careful of falling for her if you KNOW she is married now. I am hoping it was the positive attention she gave you that was attracting you-and maybe not "her" per say.

Think of yourself first in these matters. You are the only one who will do it!

Mon Apr 28, 05:26:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Ben & Bennie said...

After my first wife cheated on me and we divorced I wanted sooo much for that "apology." Seven years later I got the satisfaction of telling her that I forgave her. Better yet, after about a two hour conversation over some beers she made the comment how she wished we had met later on in life (basically after she had finally grown up).

I replied, "Cathy, even if we'd not had the history we have together, I don't think I would like you enough to have any kind of relationship with you." That made her cry.

That is still one of the most favorite moments of my life. Trust me: you'll get the same opportunity one day.

Tue Apr 29, 04:04:00 PM 2008  

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