Tuesday, February 12, 2008


Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgment of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it. - Kathleen Casey Theisen

I have come to accept the fact that Mrs. Joe will be moving out. Even with my attempts to have her stay and try to work things out, she is determined to leave. Things have been said and actions have been taken to show me this is the best decision at this time.

Over the last few weeks we have talked about our relationship, where it was, where it is and where it could/will be. I have learned Mrs. Joe has blamed me for a lot of her decisions. In some cases she is right but in others I disagree. Our communication was poor and our true feelings were not expressed properly. Her anger and resentment toward me regarding her decisions makes resolving any of this very difficult at this time.

Preparations have begun. I noted her grandmother had passed away last week. Well, Mrs. Joe decided to take all of grandmother’s furniture and things for her new apartment. Right now, our front porch is filled with dressers, tables and boxes waiting for the apartment to open up.

Mrs. Joe also admitted that she still has contact with the other guy and will probably see him outside of work after we separate. Knowing this shows me that there is something still there between them and until she makes some kind of decision, trying to work on us seems worthless.

My therapist agrees a separation would be best. She has shown me some of my faults and I need to work on bettering myself as well. I also know I will need to step back and think about being able to handle the adultery. That is if she even wants to come back. Right now I couldn’t tell you one way or another.

So for now, I need to focus on myself, along with Peanut and The Champ. I need to make the next few weeks as routine as possible for them because after that their world will be turned upside down.

I also need to prepare myself for what's coming because I will be useless to them if I am not ready.

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Blogger samokdaddy said...

Joe...You're on the right track. You are right about working on yourself. You know that you're not in this alone. There's somebody up there looking after you...and knowing that has helped get me through a few days in my life that absolutely sucked. Talking to God...or whatever you want to call him/her/it does bring some comfort and gives strength just to take one more footstep. Whatever it's worth...I'll be saying a prayer for you, the Champ and the peanut. Just remember that it will be okay...it may not seem like it right now, but it will be okay. Just keep working on you. The big fella upstairs is in charge. Hey, you have to believe in miracles...Just look at the Red Sox in the past few years...

Tue Feb 12, 04:34:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous pgoodness said...

Acceptance is difficult. I wish you good luck. You're right - the kids need you to keep things as normal and routine as possible - you're a good dad. Working on yourself won't be easy, but hell, nothing is right now. Hang in there.

Tue Feb 12, 11:16:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous uumomma said...

nosy question:
are the children going to stay with you?

Wed Feb 13, 12:22:00 AM 2008  
Blogger Whit said...

Sorry to hear it. You seem to have as good an outlook at possible considering the circumstances. I hope you're able to work out something fairly smooth for the kids.

Wed Feb 13, 12:55:00 AM 2008  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

Look after yourself Joe. That's all you can do. Because your kids are gonna need you when their hearts break as they are bound to do.

Thinking of you.

Wed Feb 13, 11:04:00 AM 2008  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

I like that definition of acceptance -- not a capitulation or surrender, but an active decision that empowers you (in some fashion) to take whatever next steps you need to take.

When it comes to becoming as strong as your kids are gonna need to be in the coming months... whatever you've gotta do is whatever you've gotta do. I have enormous respect for the way you're trying to keep your focus on what's best for the little'uns, and I've got nothing but high hopes and crossed fingers that one way or another, in good time you'll come out of this strong and intact.

Wed Feb 13, 01:51:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Em said...

I've been so caught up in the difficulties of my own life that I've missed some of your blog. I just went back and read things...and now I'm caught up. I hear the acceptance in your words. But I also hear the sadness, the anger, the determination to be the best parent possible. So many emotions and such difficult transitions. My very best wishes for you and all your family as you travel down this challenging road.

Wed Feb 13, 07:29:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Dad Stuff said...

All the best to you and your family. If you're strong for your kids, they will be strong for you.

Thu Feb 14, 12:28:00 AM 2008  
Blogger Darren said...

It sounds like you have things in some pretty good perspective--at least as best as possible right now. I'm glad you're not blaming your own faults either. We all have faults--the only thing worse than living with someone with faults is living with someone who's perfect.

Have a good weekend. Is it a long one for you?

Fri Feb 15, 05:20:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Merelyme said...

new to your blog...and...wow...i am sorry this is happening to you.

Sat Feb 16, 01:12:00 PM 2008  

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