Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Help Wanted

My previous post was rather abrupt due to the circumstances and I have debated going into it any further. I have decided to explain the situation to some extent for now and withhold explaining everything until later, if at all.

Anyway, here goes nothing.

For most of the month of December, I had a feeling there was something going on in Mrs. Joe’s head. I passed it off as being somewhat depressed due to the hectic holiday schedule and the fact that her grandmother is rather ill.

Talk about underestimation.

A few times I asked if she wanted to talk about what was bothering her. To which she replied, “Not right, now”. Finally, the Thursday after Christmas, she told me.

She wants a separation.

At first I said, “No, we can get some counseling and get through this together”. We had seen a therapist after The Champ was born. It was beneficial at the time for me and Mrs. Joe seemed better also. But after some conversations over the last few days, couples therapy is not what we need right now. She needs to focus on herself, first.

She says she is going to move out. She has owned a rental property since before we got married and her plan is to move into one of the apartments. To me, this will be hell on the kids and I told her she doesn't have to leave but her mind is made up.

I don’t know if I was naive but all of this caught me completely off guard. Your spouse is supposed to talk to you before things get this far. I’m trying to get some help to try to help sort out everything in my head. One moment I blame myself and the next moment I say there is nothing I did to justify this. Either way I’m a mess.

Although your replies have helped and I thank you all for you’re the encouragement, I don’t know when the next post will come. Besides, do you really want to hear me piss and moan? Hopefully the next post will be a little more positive.

Take care.

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Blogger Whit said...

Man, I'm sorry.

As far as pissing and moaning, if you can't do it here, where can you? We're here, use us.

Wed Jan 09, 12:58:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Dan said...

That's harsh. Hang in there.

As for writing here, post if it helps, don't if it doesn't. don't worry about us, we're here and we don't mind a bit of pissing and moaning.

Wed Jan 09, 01:17:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

Aw Joe.

My heart hurts for you.

Feel free to piss and moan as much as you need to. We've got your back.

Wed Jan 09, 01:52:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

What Redneck Mommy said, x 2.

We've got your back.

Wed Jan 09, 03:41:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous LauraG said...

"Piss and moan" away, my friend. I had the marital rug yanked out from under my feet a few weeks before Christmas and am happy to have any partners in pathos (misery loves company, as they say).

I have found that playing Van Halen's "Unchained" at an indecently loud volume works wonders.

My very sincere sympathies.

Wed Jan 09, 03:45:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


This post is an exact mirror image, in every detail, to what happened to me starting from Mid October. Out of the blue. Happily married....good relationship...everything on course for an old age together....then, one weekend, my spider-senses went into overdrive. Something was up. I spoke to her - what was it? Well, now you ask, it's us, and we're finished. Boom.
I have had close to 3 months to digest this, and in the early days I honestly thought it was going to go completely to bits. Slowly, but surely, light has appeared at the end of the tunnel, as in time it will for you. There will be good days, and bad days, but slowly, the good will start to outnumber the bad.

Wed Jan 09, 03:55:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Dad Stuff said...

Sorry for the bad news. Go ahead and do what you need to do.
Best of luck.

Wed Jan 09, 05:27:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Darren said...

Ditto what everyone else said. I'm so sorry and feel so bad for Peanut and The Champ. We'll be praying for you, bud.

Wed Jan 09, 08:00:00 PM 2008  
Blogger creative-type dad said...

So sorry to hear that.

We're all here for you. Hoping for the best.

Thu Jan 10, 03:17:00 AM 2008  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

Damn. That's... that's just beyond tough. I'll add my sentiments to everyone else's: whatever you've gotta do to get through it - for yourself and for your kids - is whatever you've gotta do. If that means counseling... if that means venting online... if that means dropping out of sight for six months... do whatever it takes, dude. Whatever you decide to do, just know that there's a lot of strangers out here in the ether rooting for you.

Thu Jan 10, 01:42:00 PM 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude...that sux

Thu Jan 10, 10:06:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Ben & Bennie said...

I'm so very sorry about this situation. From experience you will get through it and you'll be better for it. I do hate it for Champ and Peanut though.

Like the others said, piss and moan as much as you want. We'll all be here for ya. I also like the Van Halen recommendation.

Sun Jan 13, 09:58:00 AM 2008  
Blogger charlotta-love said...

Blogging is some bizarre support group. I casually mentioned a fear of something on my blog and received emails with advice and encouragement to my inbox. Hopefully the same can happen to you in your situation. Do whatever you need (and feel appropriate) as far as sharing details and let us, your online blogging group of friends, help...even if all we can give is just a virtual hug. Thinking about you and hoping for the best.

Mon Jan 14, 05:33:00 PM 2008  
Blogger Pgoodness said...

I'm very far behind on your blog, but I wanted to comment...I'm so sorry that this blindsided you. Yes, spouses should talk before it goes that far and it sucks that she skipped that step. I can't imagine how it feels, and I hope you can find some peace at some point.

Thu Feb 07, 10:19:00 PM 2008  

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