Thursday, January 31, 2008

Tooth Fairy Fiasco

The Champ came home from school Monday with another loose tooth. He had been poking at all day with no luck.

“Don’t worry, it will come out when it is ready”, I told him.

During dinner he was still playing with it. “If you want, I’ll pull it out for you. Just one big yank and it’ll be all over,” I said to him. That didn’t go over too well. Mrs. Joe had to reassure him I wouldn’t do it and that I was only kidding. I wasn’t but it settled him down.

After dinner, he took a shower and we got ready for bed with the tooth still hanging on. He became worried about falling asleep with the tooth still attached.

I jokingly told him, “Don’t worry, it will be there in the morning.”

Why is it that the simplest statements can come back to bite you square in the ass?

I awoke Tuesday morning to The Champ’s voice. “Dad, my tooth is gone and I can’t find it.”

So to his room we went to find the tooth. We looked in between the sheets, on the floor and on the blanket, with no luck. I checked under the bed and still no tooth.

Then the thought occurred, did he swallow it? That is possible, right? Probably not, but then where was it?

He then asked, “Is the Tooth Fairy going to come if I don’t have the tooth to put under my pillow?”

It was way too early in the morning to be asking me these tough questions. I mean I handled the Santa and no chimney thing but c’mon, give me a break.

Then it came to me. “Champ, the Tooth Fairy must have came last night and pulled it out for you. Sometimes the Tooth Fairy helps out if the tooth doesn’t want to come out.”

Hah! Even at 6am I can handle these challenges.

“Did you feel her pull it out?” I asked.


“See, that’s how good she is.”

“But dad, she didn’t leave me any money?”

WTF. Can’t a guy catch a break around here?

“That’s because you didn’t leave your little Tooth Fairy pillow out last night. She didn’t know where to put the money. We will leave out the pillow tonight and she will come back. O.k.?”


So Tuesday night we started getting ready for bed. The Champ finished brushing his teeth and went into his bedroom.

“Dad, I found my tooth,” he yells.

“Really, where was it?”

“Right on my blanket.”

How in the world did he find it? Mrs. Joe and I both searched that room for the tooth with no luck.

“Didn’t you look on your blanket for it this morning?” I asked.

The Champ replied “Yes, but maybe the Tooth Fairy dropped it after pulling it out.”

“Could be.”

So after reading a few bedtime stories, we tucked him in, put out his little Tooth Fairy pillow with the tooth included, and he went to sleep.

Finally the Tooth Fairy arrived shortly thereafter, collecting the tooth and leaving him some money.

I just hope the Easter Bunny isn’t as difficult.


Monday, January 28, 2008

Mental Road Trip

This past Saturday I focused on myself a little. With everything going on I thought some time away from the house would be good. I figure Mrs. Joe can handle Peanut & The Champ alone for a couple hours. What could she do? Leave?

A local band that a friend of mine knows had a bus trip planned for a gig at The Bitter End in Greenwich Village. I have only been to New York City a few times and that was either to see a play or The Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall.

I decided to tag along.

About 30 of us boarded the bus at 7pm and we were on our way. Everybody brought a little something to hold us over until we got to the club. For me it was Berkshire Brewing Company’s Cabin Fever Ale. We arrived in Greenwich Village for 11pm with most of us already feeling pretty good. It was too cold to walk around so we went right into the club. I found out the band was going on last, which turned out to be after 2am, a quick reminder that I was in New York City. Here in Western Mass. The bars are closed by 2am.

So the band was good. All of us had a good time. We started stumbling back onto the bus around 3:45am. I kept the consumption down, knowing I had a long Sunday ahead of me. Before I got onto the bus, I walked down the street away from everything and just stood looking around. I thought to myself, here I am, at almost 4 in the morning on a street corner in Greenwich Village, living though an emotional hell, wondering where I will be next year at this time.

It scared the living shit out of me.

I got onto the bus and we left New York City. I got home at 7am to the loving arms of my children. I then realized that no matter where I may be a year from now, they will still be with me.

I wasn’t as scared anymore.


Thursday, January 24, 2008

I Will Now Explain The Elephant

If you have read my recent posts regarding my impending separation from Mrs. Joe, you thought it.

And so did you.

And you, too.

But try as I might, I have learned you cannot ignore that elephant in the room forever.

Since that first night, we have talked a lot and she has tried to explain her feelings. Among other things, she feels she cannot give me the things that I need in our marriage and there are things about me that she cannot deal with anymore.

I had similar feelings about our relationship to some extent. To me, these problems happen in everybody’s marriage, some more than others but to some extent it happens to us all. I did my best, sometimes without success, to let it go. “Don’t rock the boat”, I told myself. “Things will work out”. Either way, I think they are absolutely no reason for a separation, at least not before counseling.

This brings me to the elephant.

I still am not sure about posting this but it seems that Dumbo just won’t go away.

Yes, Mrs. Joe has also admitted to having an affair.

With everything else she told me that night, she also admitted that for the last six months she has been seeing someone else. Included with this, she admitted to adultery on two occasions. I don’t know who it is other than he is a co-worker who is also married with kids.

The main reason as to why she is leaving is she doesn't know who she wants to be with. She says she needs to figure out what/who she wants.

And I still sit here, thinking at times that I want to work this out.

I am an idiot.

A. Big. Fat. Fucking. Naive. Idiot.

But I am also an idiot with two great kids that I love and I am not yet willing to see my kids only half the time for the next ten years.

As of now, I have only told my sister and a therapist about the affair. Since I told my sister, she has taken to repeatedly striking me in the head (figuratively speaking) as to try to knock some sense in me. If anything, this ordeal has brought her & I closer.

The therapist told me not to move out of the house. She said I should be there for the kids but to be “unavailable” to Mrs. Joe. She said that my wife should already know what she has with me and if somehow I can separate myself from her for the next month without affecting the kids I should. She also told me not to talk to her about all of this anymore and to let her come to her own decisions and hopefully she will smarten up and reconsider leaving. Then if she decides to stay, we will address the whole affair thing

Well, current plans are for Mrs. Joe to move out February 24. Looks like I got a whole month of this ahead of me. Wish me luck.

Oh, can someone tell me how to get this elephant out of here?

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Monday, January 21, 2008

I think I Am Finally Thawed Out

I made it through yesterday’s Patriots game without succumbing to hypothermia. I tried to prepare. I stopped at a sporting goods store on Saturday and bought those little disposable hand and foot warmers along with another pair of thermals. I wasn't sure how many layers were enough so I settled on 5 for the top and 3 for the bottom. I wore two pairs of thermal socks with insulated boots.

It would not have been enough.

Thankfully, I was with a seasoned tailgater. Big D had all the cold weather accessories I could have asked for. Included with some good, hot food, and a case of beer, he brought along 4 Duraflame firelogs. Sit yourself in front of two of those burning in a cheap aluminum pan and you just might forget its 14 degrees out with a wind chill in the single digits.

Maybe the shots of Jagermeister helped as well.

Did I mention how difficult it is to drink beer that has partially frozen?

Oh, the game? The game was great, minus the three Brady interceptions. But a win is a win.

After the game we lit another set of firelogs, ate some steak sandwiches and watched the first half of the Packers/Giants game. All the while realizing it wasn't really that cold after all.

We could have been in Green Bay.


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Stop The Ride, I Want To Get Off

My life is an emotional roller coaster.

With everything going on, it is to be expected.

But I don’t have to like it.

I learned that Mrs. Joe will be unable to leave until the end of February. Which is good. She starts therapy Thursday and hopefully after a few sessions she may reconsider leaving. But that also means if her therapy goes in the other direction, we are in the same house together until the end of February.


…And down.

She has also told me a little more about how she feels about our relationship. Again, good, opening up a little to me is positive. But what she is telling me is making the thought of us coming through this together more and more remote.


…And down

Either way, I have to try to get through each day without this eating away at my stomach. I feel like John Hurt in the first Alien movie.

Your responses are helpful, thanks. Reading them put me in a better mood.

I will end this post on an Up. My buddy is taking me to see the Patriots kick the Chargers’ ass this Sunday in Foxboro. At least I can say that day will be an Up day.

As long as they win.

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Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Help Wanted

My previous post was rather abrupt due to the circumstances and I have debated going into it any further. I have decided to explain the situation to some extent for now and withhold explaining everything until later, if at all.

Anyway, here goes nothing.

For most of the month of December, I had a feeling there was something going on in Mrs. Joe’s head. I passed it off as being somewhat depressed due to the hectic holiday schedule and the fact that her grandmother is rather ill.

Talk about underestimation.

A few times I asked if she wanted to talk about what was bothering her. To which she replied, “Not right, now”. Finally, the Thursday after Christmas, she told me.

She wants a separation.

At first I said, “No, we can get some counseling and get through this together”. We had seen a therapist after The Champ was born. It was beneficial at the time for me and Mrs. Joe seemed better also. But after some conversations over the last few days, couples therapy is not what we need right now. She needs to focus on herself, first.

She says she is going to move out. She has owned a rental property since before we got married and her plan is to move into one of the apartments. To me, this will be hell on the kids and I told her she doesn't have to leave but her mind is made up.

I don’t know if I was naive but all of this caught me completely off guard. Your spouse is supposed to talk to you before things get this far. I’m trying to get some help to try to help sort out everything in my head. One moment I blame myself and the next moment I say there is nothing I did to justify this. Either way I’m a mess.

Although your replies have helped and I thank you all for you’re the encouragement, I don’t know when the next post will come. Besides, do you really want to hear me piss and moan? Hopefully the next post will be a little more positive.

Take care.

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Wednesday, January 02, 2008

I Didn’t See That One Coming

"The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes." - Harold B. Lee

I hope everybody had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I wish I could say I did.

I guess the holidays and the start of the New Year were too much for some.

Mrs. Joe sat me down Thursday night and laid her feelings on the table.

I wasn't good.

My postings will be minimal for a while as I focus on more important things. I’ll try to keep up with yours.

Take care.

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