Monday, February 26, 2007

Along With Death & Taxes

Well, it finally happened. Mrs. Joe and I figured it was inevitable. We heard more than one story from our friends about it happening to them. We hoped that this day would not come but I can say now…

The Champ has caught us having dessert.

Now I know you are reading this saying to yourself “Yeah, it happened to us, too.” And “It was not that big a deal”. But to Mrs. Joe and I, it was somewhat more embarrassing because…

It happened twice!

In the same night!

We put Peanut & The Champ to bed Saturday night with no problems and settled down to enjoy a nice glass of amaretto and watch TV. After some time on the couch watching something forgettable we headed upstairs. Midway through fooling around, in walks The Champ saying he needs help. Well, being the closest one to dressed, I hopped out of bed and walked him back to his room to discover he got sick all over the bed. I got him into the bathroom and began to clean him up. Mrs. Joe, now closer to being dressed than she previously was, stripped the bed and changed the sheets. After the wash down, He seemed o.k. I figured it was probably something he ate for dinner. I laid down with him and he fell back to sleep.

I came back to our room a few minutes later and Mrs. Joe and I joked about it finally happening to us. I then convinced Mrs. Joe that it was safe, The Champ was asleep, and we could continue.

“It was a stomach thing. He got it out of his system. He’s fine. He’ll sleep now till tomorrow morning.”

I don’t know why, but she bought it. Maybe it was the amaretto. Anyway, mid way through fooling around, there he is again saying he’s going to be sick again. Well now Mrs. Joe was pissed and it was entirely fault.

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

We got him to the bathroom in time and we followed that trip twice more before morning. He’s o.k. now, slept through the night last night. As for me, sleeping is probably the only thing I’ll be doing in my bed for the next few nights.

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Friday, February 23, 2007

On The 58th Day Of Christmas…

Every year, Mrs. Joe and a few of her friends buy Christmas presents for each of our kids to exchange. The gifts are nothing too expensive, usually a tree ornament or a small toy of some kind. And although Santa has come and gone, the tree has been thrown out and the decorations put away, I still have Christmas presents in the corner of my dining room waiting to be handed out.

I guess you could call it “The Island of Unexchanged Toys”.

It’s not like Mrs. Joe doesn't see her friends often, she went out with one friend last night. But every year there are a few gifts that hang around well into winter. Sooner or later, they will all get together and exchange the gifts. I’m sure the kids don’t mind that the presents are wrapped in paper with images of snowmen and candy canes.

I’m just hoping they never exchange anything that might have an expiration date on it.


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

My Own Just Desserts

Mrs. Joe and I went out Saturday night to celebrate Valentines Day. Well, maybe not to celebrate Valentines Day as much as to celebrate my sister offering to watch Peanut & The Champ. We were both excited to finally be able to try this restaurant that we were both interested in. Knowing a night out is few and far between, we try to get to the restaurant early and have a drink at the bar before dinner and more often than not, end up at the bar for another drink after dinner. Besides, you can't get home too early, the kids may still be awake!

We ended up having a great dinner and maybe one drink too many. When we got home, we thanked my sister, said goodbye and proceeded to sneak up to our bedroom and what I sometimes call "have dessert". I usually look forward to "dessert" as much as dinner.

So yesterday, as we were lying in bed watching Rules Of Engagement (a new must-watch for any single/engaged/married guy), I mentioned how nice Saturday night was. Mrs. Joe agreed and we talked a little about the dinner. I then mentioned how earlier that night I was looking forward to "dessert" and how nice it would be to which Mrs. Joe replied:

"I was looking forward to that, too."

I believe that was the first time since we had kids that Mrs. Joe openly spoke about looking forward to sex. I mean sex with me. She’s got some thing for our dentist, but that’s for another post. I know she enjoys our time together but that was the first time she openly mentioned she was looking forward to it. Anyway, Ill have to figure out if there was anything special that may have helped set the mood.

Maybe she has a dentist appointment coming up.


Friday, February 16, 2007

To "No" Her Is To Love Her

Peanut, who is 21 months has started talking. Well, not talking as much as answering Mrs. Joe and I's requests.

"Peanut, come let's have dinner."


"Peanut, let's change that stinky diaper."


"Peanut, time for a bath."


"Peanut, time for bed."

"Nooo!" (how does she know to hang that "o" sound for added emphasis?)

I mean I'm used to rejection from the women in this house but this is ridiculous.

Anyway, parts of me are hoping she is learning the power of this word. Only because I hope some future requests will result in this same response.

"You want to get high?" "No"

"Let's skip school and go to my house." "No"

"Just take it, nobody will catch you." "No"

"Will you marry me?" "No" (well maybe, but she has to be at least 30, right?)


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Does His School Offer Ethnic Sensitivity Training?

At dinner last night, Mrs Joe started telling a story about picking The Champ up from school earlier in the day…

Mrs. Joe: “Did you tell dad we met Julia’s mom today?”

The Champ: “Yeah, and Julia’s mom was talking to our teacher but I didn't know what they were saying.”

Joe: “What do you mean”.

The Champ: “She wasn't speaking English”

Joe: “Is Julia Spanish?”

The Champ: “No, she’s “Pork-a-cheese””.

Mrs Joe: “Not Pork-a-cheese”, Portuguese”

My sincerest apologies To Portugal.


Friday, February 09, 2007

No Need For That Groundhog

Whether or not that groundhog in Pennsylvania seen his shadow or not, spring is coming here in AAJ's world. I had to take The Champ to sign up for spring soccer yesterday. Too bad for him though, once we signed up they said they would be calling us in early April. Yeah, I get my kid all hopped up on the fact that soccer is coming and you tell me he's got to wait two months. Thanks!
Well, at least I can hold it over his head for that long. Looks like some good behavior at least for awhile.


Thursday, February 08, 2007

A Darwinian Mistake for Career Builder

Sorry for the late post but I have to rant about this.

Like most people, I was in front of the TV this past Sunday watching the Super Bowl. Wait; can I say “Super Bowl”? I know the NFL has some rule against using the term “Super Bowl”, but I think it only applies for use in advertising. Seeing nobody is paying me to do this, I think I’m all set.

Anyway, I was looking forward to the game but I was also looking forward to the commercials. They save the best ads for the Super Bowl because they know the world is watching. Knowing this, I will wait to get up for another beer while the game is on. I need to be ready for the next Bud Light or Doritos ad.

This brings me to my gripe. Why did Career Builder abandon the monkeys? For two years, the Career Builder monkeys were the funniest Super Bowl commercials going. Here are the old ads at YouTube. They were running a commercial a few days before the game telling me to "watch the Career Builder evolve". Here are the new Career Builder ads. I was looking forward to seeing them, but once they were shown I was very disappointed.

Simply put:

Evolution sucks!

The 3 new ads are funny but they are too involved. Nobody at any Super Bowl party was going to get the entire pitch after watching it only once. There is too much going on. I had to go to Career Builder‘s website to watch them again to fully understand. They were funny once I watched them again, but for an average joe with a beer in one hand, a buffalo wing in the other and everybody yelling about the previous ad, you need to simplify it so it is easily understood.

Maybe Career Builder should keep using the monkeys because the commercials are for monkeys?

Anyway, that’s enough griping. Seeing I wrote most of this post while at work this past week, I may need Career Builder myself.


Thursday, February 01, 2007

Because 5 Year Olds Can Understand Dirt

Today was Career Day at The Champ's school. Last week, the school asked if any parents would come in and tell the children about their career. Mrs. Joe offered to come in and talk about hers. I'm pretty sure "part-time floral department manager at the local grocery store" didn't sound too thrilling to a bunch of 5 year olds but she soon got their attention. She brought with her some little plastic cups, some dirt and they all planted seeds. Along with the seeds, she brought two beautiful bouquets of the same flowers. and showed the kids what their seeds would look like. Of course, after she finished she then gave one bouquet to each of the teachers. I'll bet our kid is the star pupil next week!

Now I know Mrs. Joe doesn't think "part-time floral department manager at the local grocery store" is a career. But we know the benefits of the part time hours, the flexible schedule and the ability to do something she likes to do and make a little money, too. What I want to say is that the other "careers" she has shouldn't go unmentioned.

Nurse: She can heal any boo-boo, with the help of Spider-Man & Pooh band-aids.

Party Planner: How she can get that many kids to have fun at a birthday party is beyond me.

Financial Analyst: I may loose a few points to the guys here but my paycheck get direct-deposited and I don't pay a single bill but yet, the lights are still on.

Interior Decorator: Peanut's room looks like it came from a Pottery Barn catalog. And thanks to the previous montioned career, we didn't spend Pottery Barn $$$.

Mediator: If you could see how she handles 1 toy desired by 2 kids, you'd understand.

Chef: At first, I laughed at her for watching so many hours of Food Network.

Escort: Anytime we go out, she looks great and turns a few heads. And better yet, unlike the pros, I get lucky in the end.

So, those are just some of the other "careers" Mrs. Joe can attest to. But I think we can all sum them up in two words:

Mom & Wife