Summer Fun

I have not written much lately. The summer has been busy and there does not seem to be any time to post. I have also been moving along with my divorce from Mrs. Joe.

It's been two steps forward, one back, but forward nonetheless.

I had to refinance the house, hoping a reassesment of the value would allow me to pull out enough equity to buy her out. Luckily it was. I paid off the last remaining bill we had together, a home equity loan we took out to redo the kitchen.

She mentioned her frustrations since moving out, hinting at giving up everything and asking to come back. That led to more of me climbing into my own head wondering "what if" only to be let down again.

Peanut & The Champ are good. They are at the beach with their grandparents. I brought them out there last Friday. I spent the day with them before driving back home.

Here are what keeps me going through all of this.






They won't be home until Thursday. I have never went this long without them. I tell myself that they are fine and having a great time.

Just wish I could say the same about myself.

For Father's Day

Every year he ran the portable quartz heater well into Spring.

That was one thing I remembered as a little kid about my dad. While he sat at the kitchen table, which was almost always, he would have a beer on the table and the portable quartz heater on.

He worked in the metal heat treat department for Smith & Wesson. Every day, as long as I can remember, he was up before me and out of the house by 6:30, off to load and unload huge baskets full of steel gun frames into the furnaces for 8 hours.

Working in those temperatures made him used to the heat. During the blazing hot days of summer, my sister & I would complain how hot it was but not my dad. Then September would come and out came the quartz heater until June.

He hated his job.

He didn't get along with his boss.

But he went. Every day. Even the mornings after he stayed out all night drinking, which were many.

He still went.

I never thought much about that until I got older and was working. I was lucky enough to learn a skill that I liked which involved sitting in front of a computer all day. The only heat I feel is from my cpu.

But I think back and wonder how he was able to get up every morning and go to a place he did not want to be, do a job he did not want to do for a boss he did not like.

Once I got married and had kids I learned why. It was because he was a husband and a father. He was responsible for taking care of his family. Even though he probably dreaded those 8 hours, he went because it was his responsibility.

Whenever I think my job sucks, I remind myself it could be so much worse.

He retired in 1997 at 62 years old. Good for him I thought. Celebrate your retirement I told him. He deserved it.

He was dead less than 2 years later. I was 27.

He stopped working but didn't stop drinking. He just sat at the kitchen table with a beer in hand and the quartz heater on.

At times I get upset that I lost him while I was so young. I was married less than a year. I had no idea what was in store for me. But I also think about how hard it had to have been for him all those years standing in front of hundred plus degree furnaces while my sister & I were little.

I know whatever challenges that come my way I will be able to handle, whether its my job, my marriage or Peanut & The Champ. I just remind myself that my dad made it through his challenges for me and my sister.

You could say his memories are my quartz heater.

Cones Are For Dunces

We have a soft serve ice cream shop within walking distance from the house. Once or twice a week, during the summer, Peanut, The Champ & I will take a walk after dinner and get dessert.

A few days ago, we went for some ice cream. While waiting in line, I asked the kids what they wanted. Thankfully, the choices are simple; chocolate, vanilla or twist. The only other decision is chocolate sprinkles or rainbow.

The Champ usually gets chocolate with rainbow sprinkles while Peanut get vanilla with rainbow sprinkles.

Then came the request often asked but never, until Monday, approved.

“Can I have mine in a cone?”

Up until then, my answer was always no. I knew if Peanut didn’t drop hers on the ground, she would wear most of it. I also knew I can’t let The Champ get a cone and not Peanut.

“Not today.” , I replied.

“PLLLEEEAAASSSEEE!!!!”

“Fine, but can we not make a mess?”

Yay!!

Apparently, my mind must have left for summer vacation or some premature brain freeze from the ice cream set in.

We ordered our ice creams and sat down at a picnic table to enjoy. I always bring wipes with me seeing the ice cream shop only gives a few napkins to each person.

The Champ did pretty well with his cone. Aside from the chocolate goatee he sprouted, he contained the mess until the bottom of the cone started leaking through.

Total of 3 wipes and 1 napkin used.

Peanut wasn’t so lucky. I can safely say she didn’t drop her ice cream but I think she wore more than she ate. Her entire face was covered in vanilla and she somehow got sprinkles in her hair. I finally gave up trying to contain the mess. Eventually, she had ice cream dripping from her elbow.

Total of 7 wipes and 1 napkin used.

By the end, The Champ was able to finish his ice cream but Peanut gave up. I usually finish whatever is left over but not this time. Her cone couldn’t have been soggier if it had been holding water. No thanks.

Yeah, I know, kids will be kids. But when I allow something that follows with the need to take the garden hose to them, put me in the corner.

Reality Bites

It was inevitable.

That first soon-to-be-ex-in-law family gathering that I had to attend.

It was last night. My sister-in-law graduated high school.

(My MIL remarried when Mrs. Joe was 15.)

Except for my MIL, FIL and both their new spouses, not one of Mrs. Joe's family has seen me since Mrs. Joe moved out last March. I planned on only going to the ceremony and to skip the dinner after.

I took my SIL out for dinner Tuesday and explained why. I told her that I didn't want to take anything away from her night and if both her sister and I were there for dinner people may find it uncomfortable. She understood.

Both Mrs. Joe & I attended the ceremony. Afterwards, as I was planning on saying goodbye, Mrs. Joe told me to come for dinner and there wouldn't be any problems. Against better judgement, I agreed.

Once we got to the restaurant it was apparent Mrs. Joe asked me to go because she didn't want to face her family alone. She also obtained a little courage via 3 cosmopolitans.

Although the family made sure to keep clear of asking either of us how we were doing, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Mrs. Joe & I individually said hi to mostly everybody. I apologized to my MIL if anybody was uncomfortable. She, of course, said it was fine.

I had dinner and went to duck out early. I had the kids at home and I told the babysitter I'd be home early. I said goodbye to my SIL and congratulated her again.

Proving that Mrs. Joe wanted me there for her own support, she said her goodbyes as well and asked me to walk her to her car.

I walked her to her car, made sure she was okay to drive, and walked back to my car.

The thought of feeling that uncomfortable in front of my own family is sad. There are times, times like this, that I feel so sorry for her. Can anybody realize what they are doing when they leave their spouse the way she left me?

I think Mrs. Joe realizes it a little better now.

I Thought She Said Manny & Petey

Today my beautiful Peanut turns 4 years old. In some ways, the 4 years went by in the blink of an eye. In other ways I can't remember my life without her in it.

Mrs Joe had the kids this week. She told me yesterday that she had taken the day off from work and her and Peanut were going to have a "girl's day" together. She planned on taking her to the library and to the mall shopping.

"Then we are going to get a mani & a pedi", she said.

"Who?" I replied.

"I am taking her to Daisy Doos for a manicure and a pedicure." she added.

We all met for dinner afterwards. Peanut looked beautiful in a new dress they bought earlier. She showed me the results of her first "mani & pedi", too.

can you spot the little piggy?

had to wear the flashy sandals, too!

Happy 4th Birthday, Peanut!

My Cup Runneth Over, His, Not So Much

The Champ’s baseball season has started and I don’t know who is happier, him or me. Although he is 7, this is his first year playing organized baseball. We have been in the backyard playing for two years now but the town sets a minimum age of 7 to play on a team. I know other towns start kids with tee-ball earlier than that but his team went straight to coach pitch.

A few days before his first game he was given a team shirt and hat but no pants so I went to the sporting goods store to pick some up. Along with a pair of baseball pants I bought him something a little more valuable. He probably doesn’t need it now but I figure he should get used to it early. “What is it?” he asked.

“What do you think it is?” I replied.

“An elbow pad? What do I need an elbow pad for?” he asked.

So I explained to him what it was and I showed him how to wear it. He wasn’t too thrilled about wearing one but I figured I better get him used to one early before he can argue with me about it.

Three games in and he is doing great. All the practice in the back yard is paying off. He is having fun, too, which is most important.

And luckily, we have yet to test the cup.

If Its A Dumb Rule, Mind As Well Break It

Sorry for the lengthy amount of time between posts. I haven’t been up to writing lately. Most of my posts have been regarding Mrs. Joe and my separation/divorce and you probably are sick of hearing about it.

If you are interested, we met with the mediator two weeks ago. Our final divorce agreement has been drafted. I sent it to my lawyer to review. I started refinancing the house last week to buy out her half. Once the mortgage is redone and I pay her, we can file for divorce.

See, fun times.

Recently, I was out with some friends having a few drinks and got into a conversation with a woman I met regarding being a single parent and dating. I told her I did not think I would be interested in dating someone who did not have kids. I told her I thought someone who does not have kids does not know the commitment children need from a single parent.

She was upset that I would feel that way and told me she was divorced with no kids. She said she understood the commitment required and that my opinion was not true in all cases.

We debated it for about an hour and moved onto other topics. She held pretty firm in defending her opinion and was fun to talk with.

Of course at the end of the night I gave her my phone number and told her I would like to go out with her.

So much for that dating rule. How about it single parents, tell me if you think you could date someone who did not have kids.